Over the course of that school year, we all became close friends. Neil and Cody were in our apartment almost every day, often late into the night. I remember so many nights staying up until one or two in the morning, with just me, Neil and Cody in the living room, talking about life. We all got lost in the mountains together, went down giant slip n slides together, took road trips to football games, and hit up midnight movie premieres. But we were just friends.
That same year, I decided to serve a mission. Neil was very supportive and helped me through one or two emotional breakdowns concerning the matter. In my heart, what I wanted most in life was not to go on a mission, but to fall in love and have a family. When I brought this concern to my Bishop, he promised me that if I served faithfully, my mission would bless my future husband and children, and his exact words were that I would find myself in the temple with someone I was absolutely crazy about, not just someone who was good enough. I moved forward with excitement.
I fell in love with Neil suddenly and in a single moment.We were decorating our apartment for Christmas, and Neil and Cody were helping us. Our decorations included a Christmas wish list for Santa, made of strips of green and red paper we were taping to the wall. We were all shouting out things we wanted to add to the wish list: a kayak, nail polish, colored pants, concert tickets. Then Neil said, "World peace."
I was smitten. We were soul mates. It hit me all at once and it scared me.
I went to my friend Jessica's house and told her about this crisis. Talking it out helped me see how crazy it all was - I was going on a mission and I KNEW now that that's what I wanted to do. I pushed Neil out of my mind.
Shortly afterwards, Neil came to me and said, "Colette asked me if I liked you. Weird, right?" I was hurt that he found the idea so strange, so when Colette asked ME if I liked HIM, I said something along the lines of, "Gross." It was all very mature.
In January, I got my mission call to Melbourne, Australia, and we had a going away party for Neil, who was moving to England. I remember wanting to ask him to stay. But for what? I was going to Australia in June.
When you love somebody and bite your tongue, all you get is a mouth full of blood.
On the day he moved out, I helped Neil pack and scraped all the ice off his car. He drove me to campus. I wanted to kiss him, but instead I said, "Don't come back without a hot British wife." He looked at me confusedly, and promptly flew across the Atlantic Ocean.
We skyped a few times while Neil was in England. He said all the English girls were ugly, which left me strangely satisfied. At his request, I came extremely close to buying a plane ticket to visit him over Spring Break, but went to Hawaii instead.
Honestly, I didn't think about Neil at all while I was in Texas or Australia. He emailed me one time while I was in Lubbock to tell me something funny about Cody. I wrote him back and told him he'd won the Most Hilarious Email of the Day Award, but he never wrote to me again.
After serving for only seven months, my homecoming was not the happy reunion I had imagined. It was a violent, traumatic, forced removal. I was dying. So when Neil texted me and said, "What exactly happened to you?" I asked him if we could talk about it in person. He came to my homecoming talk and I hugged him for a long time because his muscles were huge.
A few days later, my sister Rachel left on her mission. She is tied with Abbie for being my very best friend in the world, and I felt empty and alone. I realized that the person I wanted to be there with me while I felt empty was Neil. I called him and said, "Rachel left and I had a meltdown and spent $150 on clothes." He suggested that we go on an adventure together the next night.
I didn't know we were on a date until he picked me up and opened the door for me. That was new.
We drove to Antelope Island and talked and talked as we drove around the island. I told Neil what had happened to me, and he was so understanding. I felt comfortable with him. We got out of the car and walked out across the sand and into the water as the sun set. In an instant, I wanted Neil more than I had ever wanted anything. I held his hand. He didn't kiss me, so I thought he must not like me too much.
Neil told me later that after that first date, he knew we'd be together forever. I, on the other hand, was unsure of whether we were still just friends.
A couple of days later, he asked me if I wanted to come night swimming in his neighborhood. In the pool, we had this conversation:
"Neil, when I'm not with you...I want to be."
"Me too."
- Insert epic first kiss here -
And no one's been able to pry me away from him since.
Neil Jordan Brown is perfect for me. He brings out my adventurous side and gets me to do things that would normally scare me. He supports my dreams to be a good teacher and advocate. He's logical and methodical, while I am all emotion all the time. He's good with money. I'm good at spending money. We both hate littering and have moments where we have to lie down because we're thinking too hard. I finally have someone to watch nerdy documentaries with, and I can talk to him about what I'm reading and thinking about. Most of all, Neil wants to be good. I see that in him every day and it makes me feel safe and honored to be his.
I am so excited for all the adventures we have ahead. Stay tuned!
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