They called me on a mission! I just don't know where yet.

I was in the Spectrum at the basketball game when my dad called me to say, "The Prophet signed your mission call today!" I couldn't even say anything; I just stood there in the midst of all the screaming Aggie fans thinking, "I'm really going on a mission? What just happened?"

There is now a specific place where I will for sure be living during the next two years, it has been decided, and I have absolutely no idea where it could be.

When I first decided to go on a mission, the only thing that would make me feel calm about it was to just think, "I'm going to go to Samoa and it's going to be exactly like it was this summer, only I'll have a nametag." I knew that was 100% not true, but it was the only way I could calm myself down because my natural self was like, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP YOU HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MISSIONS."

During general conference this year, there were two statements that really stood out to me that I felt I should write down and I thought about them a lot during the next few days. At the time, I didn't think they had anything to do with missions, at all, but now I know that God was beginning to prepare my heart. President Eyering talked about following the Lord's will when we're making decisions. He said,

Sometimes our insistence on acting according to our own timetable can obscure His will for us.

During his talk, I wrote down that I needed to make my decisions during the next few years based on where it would easiest to be close to Him and to serve Him.

As part of that same session, Sister Burton talked about service and said,

Sometimes we are tempted to serve in a way that we want to serve and not necessarily in the way that is needed at the moment.

I started thinking about all my great plans to join service organizations and go no humanitarian trips, and I knew that even though they were all good desires, I really needed the Lord's help in deciding what needed, meaningful service I could give during the next few years.

A couple of weeks later I knew for certain that that needed service was full-time missionary work. But even though the Lord had carefully prepared my heart to do His will and to trust Him, I was still telling people, "If my call comes and it's to Pocatello, I'm just going to slide it under my bed and pretend this never happened." And I was dead serious.

I am a slow learner.

I remembered my response when SO many people in Samoa kept asking me if I was serving a mission.

"No way. If I could choose which mission I served in? Then probably."

I have now realized how selfish that was. If I was willing to put my life on hold to serve in the place where I thought I should serve, why couldn't I do the same to serve in the place where God wanted me to serve? Sometimes I think the main struggle of my life is learning to trust Him more than I trust my own decisions, and it comes so slowly.

So now? I am a lot more calm about where I could be going. So many people have said to me, "Well of course you're going foreign." "Of course you'll learn a language." But I don't know if that's true. And I'm okay with that. If my call comes and it says, "Utah, Provo" that does not mean, "Well, an apostle looked at your mission papers and decided that you were really lame." It simply means that there are things I can learn in that mission that I wouldn't learn anywhere else.

Missions are not about traveling. They are about people. So no matter where I go, weird things are going to happen to me and I'm going to have new experiences. Missions are always foreign.

My own family has taught me a lot about mission calls. Like...

The place I go on my mission is also not going to be the last place I travel to in my life. When my dad was a young missionary in Mexico, he had never seen the ocean before. Now his passport has about a hundred stamps in it and he has met people on every continent. Does Mexico still hold a special place in his heart? Of course. But so do lots of other places.

Even if my mission call seems weird at first, someday I'll know why I was called there. My mom was sure she would serve a mission in France, since she spoke French. When she was called to Puerto Rico she was very confused. But if she hadn't needed to learn Spanish in the MTC she would have never met my dad.

Missions are not meant to be convenient! My great-grandfather was called on a three-year mission when he was married with a baby. When he finally came home, he had a three year old. I have so many examples in my family of selfless missionary service that have taught me that a mission is always a sacrifice.

And so? I am okay. I no longer feel like I am going to throw up when I picture myself opening my call.

And I only have to wait a few more days!