If you can read this, thank a teacher.

I really do want to be a teacher.

I don't know how many times I have uttered the above sentence to other English majors. It is not a secret that within the English department, some of the creative writing and lit studies people look down on the teaching people just a little bit. They seem to think that choosing teaching as an emphasis is some way of "selling out." Like, you wish you could write or be a literary critic but you're giving up on your real dreams to have a steady income. Now, teachers may not exactly belong in the suffering artist category, but they don't exactly arrive to work in limos either.


Anyway, most  people who start out planning to go through the English teaching program at Utah State change their minds. It takes a long time to become a teacher, lit studies is more fun, and the program involves and gigantic shift during the second half of your education that lots of people have told me, since day one of SOAR, that I would hate. This semester is the semester that I embark on said gigantic shift.


I have (mostly) moved out of the English building and into the Education building(s)! It is bittersweet. After two and a half years in one department, it definitely is weird to move to another. But I am so proud that I've made it this far without quitting or changing my mind! Also, it's not as bad as everyone said it would be. I think the English department and the Education department are just different. Honestly, as far as I can tell, neither is better or more interesting. Just different. For example.

English department: I have fourteen books on my book list.
Education department: I have four books on my book list.

English department:  I've never seen any of my teachers get emotional about their subject.
Education department: Now I have.


English department: Nothing is on blackboard, canvas...no. My teachers are technologically challenged, as am I. Everything is due in hard copy, even though most of the teachers are very concerned about the environment. It's one of those great paradoxes of life.
Education department: EVERYTHING is on canvas! Can't handle it.


English department: No busy work. Usually there are three "short" papers, one giant one, maybe a test. Your grade depends on "big" things.
Education department: I'm starting to hear the word "assignment" again, and everyone seems to be obsessed with assessment. Finals week is going to be much less stressful, though.


English department: 90% of your classes for three years are in one of two classrooms.
Education department: It's much easier to get lost. Or locked out of a building because of the safety of children.


English department: It's okay to dress like a hippie.
Education department: Everyone washes their hair.


English department: Teachers call on you when you raise your hand. Or, you don't have to raise your hand.
Education department: Teachers call on you because they've made you a name tag that you can set up on your desk just for this purpose. Believe me when I say that I now have three colored name tags.


All silliness aside, one thing I've realized starting these classes, and listening to good teachers talk about teaching, is how badly I want this. Everyone deserves at least one exceptional teacher. There are already plenty of teachers who are "okay," so if I'm going to do this I want to be the one exceptional teacher that people remember. I know that won't happen for every single student, but it could happen for some! Have you noticed that in most TV shows and movies, the teacher that inspires everyone is the English teacher? This is happening right at this moment as I watch Gilmore Girls. Sometimes TV is true to life.

One thing I think I have on my side as far as getting kids to trust me is that I didn't always like school. I understand the kids who think the most important thing they will learn during a school day is how to fold a note in the shape of a collared shirt. That was me. I got some D's in high school. I get that. In every one of my classes the week, the teachers kept saying, "Remember that you guys are the exception. You may have loved school so you expect that your students will do, but you can't expect all of them to act the way you did during high school." But I still like to sit in the back row, and I clearly remember caring more about where I was going to go to lunch than what was going on in class. Because it was like four years ago. So I'm up for the challenge of changing students' minds about reading and writing, because that's what happened for me.


And this semester, I will be getting plenty of practice. Here is my color-coded schedule.

 I have this problem where I'd rather be exhausted by life than bored by it. Being bored gives me physical pain. So, this semester I am taking four education classes, my last sociology class, swimming, institute, and also I have two jobs. I am very, very lucky that I get to have two jobs that will help me become a better teacher. I will still be tutoring in the writing center, but I'm also going to be an SI leader for a Soc 1010 class. The latter has already been quite stressful. But, I still think this job is fate. I keep reminding myself that the things stressing me out about this job are really going to get me ready to teach. When I'm a "real" teacher, I will definitely have to work with people who I find a little unprofessional. I will definitely have to deal with problems getting the resources I need. Now I'm getting a small glimpse into how well I deal with stuff like that.


Also, the students in this soc. class have to write research papers. My first thought was that I only know how to help people with research papers if I can talk to them one-on-one. Then I realized, teaching a class about writing is going to be my JOB for a long time. Tutoring is only going to be my job for another year and a half. So I better figure out how to do that. I gave the students in the class a little survey about SI and asked them, "What do you think will be the most difficult thing about Sociology 1010?" Their answers were as I suspected.
 

19 people said something about writing papers.

8 people said something about the reading.

7 people said something about the tests.

6 people said that sociology was going to require a new way of thinking, 

which I thought was quite intelligent.

4 people used the phrase "understanding concepts."

3 said "knowing what is expected."

One said "not falling asleep."

One said, "all of it."

One said "formulating critical questions." Ambitious kid.

One said, "workload."

So, I think I have my work cut out for me. I'm hoping that I can use everything I'm learning in my classes to be a better tutor and SI leader, and that being a better tutor and SI leader will help me when I'm a real teacher! Which I really do want to be.